Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dear god my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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