i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
don't judge my taste in strippers
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
