White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
