Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
