I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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