I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
