Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
