i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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