OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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