When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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