I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
