Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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