So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In the future we'll all be gay
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Green mimosas i think yes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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