I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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