i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
