guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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