Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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