Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
