IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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