he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
