So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
