Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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