Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
