I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
