So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
