I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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