Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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