I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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