Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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