I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
