I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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