I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
