i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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