Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize