what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
