i think my tv is drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
