i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize