Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
