I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
