We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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