A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
