i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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