either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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