Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
