I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
