I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
