I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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