Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
