when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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