If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
