Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
