I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
