Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
