ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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