if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
