I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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