Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
