I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
