STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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