im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
