ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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