I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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