She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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