you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
