It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
