All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
