you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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