Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
