You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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