i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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