Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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